Get what makes you happy.

Five Guys has a good name in these parts, Drew has spoken highly of them in the past and when it comes to chains, they’re about as highly regarded as they come. But all chains suck, and everybody knows that Drew is mostly full of shit, so I took a look myself.

It took a couple trips to completely wrap my head around Five Guys. The first time I went with the double cheeseburger, with the works. A good burger. However, I felt that all of their ingredients were pretty strong, all up in my grill fighting to be the headliner, overshadowing the burger. They just don’t come together to create a harmonious experience. I could not in good faith review that burger, when my stupid ass asked for the works in the first place. They gave me an out, she asked me if I wanted toppings, my naiveté prevailed.

I resolved then to return and order a burger which came without the frills, all the while maintaining the thrills. Thus I advise that when you go to Five Guys, only ask for the toppings which are completely necessary to your quintessential burger experience. The bacon cheeseburger comes with just those things (bun free with purchase), so when they ask if you want toppings, look into your heart and be honest with the lady. She’s trying to help you.

That’s not to say it’s a Lunchbox Labotomy experience, they only serve the standard toppings here, it’s just… well you get it by now. I decided to get just the burger, bacon and cheese for my second trip. I enjoyed this quite a bit more than the “works.” The beef is juicy and delicious, it’s not gourmet but neither is it low-grade. It’s perhaps the best beef you can find in a fast-food, burger joint environment.

The cheese is American. Drew hates this. Hilarious. Next time you see him be sure to ask him what it’s like to be a communist. I take no issue with American Cheese, especially a good Cooper’s Sharp American … mmm. This is just regular American, however, but it does the job well, achieving the perfect melted/congealed state. Because America is #1.

The bun and the bacon need work. Perhaps if Jimmy Carter brokered a deal between the two to share the crispiness of the bacon with the soft and chewiness of the bun, and vice versa, the world would be a better place. The bacon is too crispy, while the bun isn’t toasted or at least it’s not toasted enough to make a difference. These are nitpickings, neither is bad enough to stand out.

Overall, a very good but not great burger. Maybe next time I’ll do lettuce, pickles and mayo.

Unbeef: Yeah, they make good fries. And they are generous. Free peanuts!

+ Quality beef,  great cheese melt

- Blasé bun, bacon

Five Guys and Fries Bacon Cheeseburger (No toppings).

Rating: ★★★½☆