In search of Seattle's best burgers. Leaving a trail of bad napkins, No cow is safe.

After a summer filled with travel and a variety of other commitments, we re-assembled Legit Beef – that’s myself (@thevowel), @drewbenz, & @KPaul - at Uneeda Burger last week.

Since Uneeda opened we’ve been asked a number of times when we were going to be reviewing it.  It turned out that last week was the perfect time to go.  It was a gorgeous Seattle summer evening that was made for the patio at Uneeda, burgers, and a pitcher of good beer.

The menu at Uneeda speaks to me.  The Classic burger is simple as it should be, but if you want to dress it up you’ve got plenty of interesting options.

While Drew & KP elected to go with various Signature burgers, I went straight for the Classic.  If I stick to my standard bacon cheeseburger it’s much simpler for me to compare the burger to others that I had.  I did make two deviations from my standard, though – a 2nd patty since I’d missed lunch, and going for the Gleason Ranch 28-day aged grass-fed beef.

Following this was the only bad part of our visit to Uneeda.  My burger arrived… WITHOUT BACON.

Normally I’d ask someone for a couple of strips of bacon to add to the burger, but I was so hungry that I decided not to bother.  I did miss the crunch that the bacon would’ve provided but I survived somehow.

The bun was lightly toasted, but couldn’t hold up to the juices of two patties of very good beef.  It wasn’t long before the bottom was soaked through.  The Signature burgers came with a sturdier bun that probably would’ve served mine well.  The cheese was nicely melted.  The tomatoes were good, and while the lettuce was shredded it clearly wasn’t the straight-from-a-bag variety of crappy shreddy lettuce that some places serve.  The special sauce was a little lacking in the special department.  It was fine, but it didn’t have a ton of flavor and I would’ve been happier with less of it.  I also prefer a smokier, less mayo-y sauce on my burgers.

The beef was EXCELLENT.  Clearly a huge step above the typical beef you’ll find between a bun, and it was cooked to Uneeda’s standard medium without being dry at all.  The grind was coarse like it should be, and the patty was nicely assembled and not overly compressed.  Next time I’m going to try the regular beef, though.  The grass-fed patties had so much flavor to them that they stood out a little too much.  A great burger is a harmony of all the ingredients, and isn’t just about the beef.

The fries & onion rings were both above-average.  The pitcher of Odin went down perfectly with the meal.

+ outstanding beef treated right and cooked properly

- bacon was sadly MIA, the bun wasn’t up to the challenge

Rating:  

The Pumphouse is a sports bar in downtown Bellevue.  With 8 HDTVs and a stack of sports packages via DirecTV there’s almost always something good to watch if you’re a sports fan.  Seattle’s Eastside isn’t exactly stacked with great sports bars – so is the Pumphouse a worthy hangout?  If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that you’ll agree with me that it depends on the burger.

I ordered the Bacon Cheddar Burger – a 1/3lb patty “cooked medium and served on a sesame bun with our own special sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, dill pickle, and onions” minus the pickle.  Although the house was packed – there were people standing in line waiting for tables or a seat at the bar – there wasn’t much of a wait for our food.

When the burger landed in front of me I wasn’t sure what to think.  Shredded lettuce isn’t normally a sign of a great burger.  I took a bite and was pleasantly surprised.  After a few more bites I realized that I was enjoying my burger far more than I’d expected to.  Looking at the burger I realized that while I’m not ready to crown them the “best burger in Bellevue” as the menu proclaims, they do take their craft seriously.

The bun was toasted.  The cheese was melted.  The patty wasn’t overcooked like you’ll find in most bars.  The bacon had a nice crunch to it.  While the ingredients might not be stellar, the burger in front of me was made with care.  As a result, they got everything they could out of the ingredients they use.

The fries were good, and so were the chili-cheese fries and onion rings we wolfed down on arrival.  It’s also the only place in Seattle I’ve found Ninkasi IPA from Eugene on tap, and that’s a beer that goes perfectly with a burger and a game on TV.

I may not think of the Pumphouse when I want a burger – but when I want to go to a bar and watch a game with some friends I’m going to the Pumphouse and having a burger while I’m there.

+ Attention to details delivers a very satisfying burger.

- Shredded lettuce, otherwise average ingredients.

Rating:  

The Coho Cafe is a locally-owned pair of restaurants on Seattle’s Eastside – one in Redmond, one in Issaquah.  The Redmond location is a nice place to go for happy hour if you work at Microsoft.  I’ve been a regular customer of both locations over the years, and overall the food is very good – but the burger has never been better than average.

They’re active on Twitter and over the last couple of months we’ve had several conversations where I’ve shared what I think makes a good burger.  Whether that played into the changes or not, Coho has an all-new burger on the menu.  In their own words the Coho Cafe Burger is a hand-formed patty covered in aged white cheddar, lettuce, tomato, onion, and a “secret sauce” – and like all good burgers is available with smoked bacon.

This burger made a great first impression.  Everything looked great, and a once-over showed that the burger was assembled with care.  The cheese was melted, the bun was toasted, and the veggies were fresh.  After a couple of bites it was clear that my burger was also the medium-rare I’d asked for.  The bun was nice – clearly not mass-produced – and held up well throughout the meal.  Overall it’s a very satisfying burger.

There aren’t a lot of knocks on this burger.  The first is the degree of verticality.  When I attacked it, the burger was a little too tall to comfortably get a bite of everything at once.  I’ll lay this at the feet of a fairly large piece of lettuce, but after a few bites everything compressed into an more easily eaten form factor.  The second would be the red onion, which was sliced too thin for my taste.  If there’s going to be red onion on my burger, I want it to come with some crunch so that I know it’s there.

The fries were solid, and there are some good beers on tap.

+ Solid ingredients all around, treated right.

- Too much lettuce, red onion sliced too thin.

Rating:  

Thanks to some unusually cooperative schedules we were able to schedule a Legit Beef team lunch earlier this week.  A few emails went back and forth arranging the details when Drew suggested BunsOnWheels.

One of the many food trucks starting to dot the Seattle landscape, BunsOnWheels calls themself a “mobile gourmet kitchen serving gourmet burgers made from premium, all-natural and organic ingredients.”.  Further reading uncovers that they use organic, grass-fed beef – so we piled into KP’s truck and went for a drive.  Here’s each of our three takes on what we found:

Drew:

The Classy burger pulled me in, seduced by her pretense. She was beautiful with 1/3rd lb fresh, all natural grass fed beef, lettuce, tomato, pickles, red onion, buns sauce. I added a second patty and bacon for effect. Beef looked great. Veggies and bacon were quality. In a word, this burger screams fresh. But in a classy kind of way.

If I’m going to find a rip to this burger, and it’s a stretch at best, it’s going to have to be the bun. Definitely a nice bun. Fresh and tasty. But as brioche goes, a little light and under matched when paired with a perennial burger and fixings. This is a burger that does absolutely nothing wrong. If I’m being feed from the side of a truck, this is the kind of class I want in my mouth.

Rating:  

KP:

Buns on Wheels serves up a high quality burger that far exceeds expectations for any establishment, let alone one powered by Diesel. Perhaps ironically, my only complaint is with their bun which I found to be dry, truly a shame because it was the perfect size relative to the burger. Beef was top notch, coming close to the taste you can expect at a steakhouse, and the veggies were fresh and well-proportioned. Cheese, bacon and sauce were up to par but nothing to write home about.

Rating:  

e:

My burger (pictured) was a Cheesy ordered medium-rare with bacon but without pickles.  Their menu describes the Cheesy as 1/3lb of beef with cheddar, lettuce, tomato, pickles, red onion, BUNS sauce, and truffle fries.

All burgers come in a brown paper box.  Upon opening the box I got both a great whiff of food that I wanted to eat, and food that looked good.  My first bite was great, and the burger was exactly the medium-rare I’d asked for.  The overall balance of the burger was pretty good – no one ingredient overwhelmed the others.  The flavors of the bacon and cheddar were too subtle for my taste, but given the quality of the beef and the care with which it was cooked I’m ok with that.  The bun was a too-soft brioche, but still above-average.  Taken as a whole I was very satisfied and I’ll definitely be going back.

The fries were pretty good, and without a doubt much better than average for frozen fries.  The truffle flavor was nice and not at all overwhelming.

+ great ingredients treated well resulting in the best food truck burger i’ve ever had

- bacon, cheese, and bun not quite as strong as the beef

Rating:  

Don’t call it a come back, my rappers retirement was merely a breif respite from beef eating. Now, my return to the ring has been one of controversy, bad beef, and silicon implants. Spurred frightfully on by a man named Bob, a force so outrageous and discomforting, something had to be done. I just had to come back.

Bob’s Burgers and Brew in Everett was the stop. One of 10 or so locations found in northwest Washington. A decent little shop from what I recall back in the days of Bellingham eating. Clearly, things are different now.

As champions around here it’s fitting we chose to review the self-proclaimed “true meal fit for a champion”, the Ranch Burger. A six ounce charbroiled patty with american cheese, lean meaty bacon (whatever that may be) and a large farm fresh egg. As my penchant for chesse does not extend to it’s evil step sister, american cheese, I became a sauce-on-sider for the moment and upgraded to swiss cheese. Upon arrival, to the side resided a stack of garden; tomatoes, pickles, lettuce, and savory sauce.

Let’s begin this tale with what went right. The bun was toasted. And toasted well. Thank god for that. The vegetables were serviceable. Mostly fresh, mostly crisp, and mostly appealing. And the biggest plus of all, the savory sauce was on the side. Plus three trillion points for that. Goopy, separated, lardtastic and freakish in color. Like the color of a cheap bandaid, only less appetizing.

And then there was the rest of the plate. Ok. Hold on here. I’m sorry. But no self respecting ranch would ever murder an egg like that. Overcooked, rubbery, and sad. The yolk chalky like powdered sulfur. It could have been used to make fireworks.

The cheese was unusually sweaty and wet. That midpoint fail area when the cheese is between chilled and melted but distinctly neither. That or it had been crying. Given it’s treatment, entirely possible.

The bacon was low end stock grocery store and about as memorable as Phyllis Diller in Scooby Doo. Sorry Phyllis.

So what about the beef you say, that grey disc of mystery hidden underneath the silicon egg implant? Yeah. That wasn’t good either. Previously frozen. Bland. Insipid. Hurtful. And very likely the reason I spent the rest of my evening streaming hilarious content to my ipad while sitting on the toilet.

Bob’s joke extends from the burger to the “brews”. Nine or so selections of beer, none made in house, most of which were domestic beers for the masses. Coors, Bud light, and the rest of the liquid criminals. Among beer drinking brethren, “brew” on your sign out front has meaning – A decent selection of real beer. Hell, there were more umbrella drinks on the menu then brews. Not the end of the world, but stop lying to me Bob.

+ I give hooves up for a nice bun, nicely toasted, and to whomever made the call to serve the savory sauce on the side.

- I give hooves down for just about everything else. And waiter dude. Dear god. Self-medicate much?

Rating:  

Bob’s Burgers and Brew

It’s been almost a year since the last time I had a burger at John Howie Steak in Bellevue.  I’ve been there several times since, but always for dinner and I usually get the (brilliant) 42-day-aged New York Strip.  Yesterday I was in the neighborhood and decided it was time to check back on the burger.

JHS actually offers three different burgers at lunch – the USDA Prime Beef Bacon Cheeseburger (pictured), the Kiss Your Hips Goodbye (3/4 lb of beef, onion rings, and bacon between two grilled cheese sandwiches), and a Peppercorn Crusted Wagyu Burger.  My tastes definitely run traditional when it comes to burgers so I once again went with the Bacon Cheeseburger.  The menu describes it as follows – 1/2 pound ground prime chuck, Beecher’s Cheddar, Kurobota bacon, house baked bun, drive-in sauce, lettuce, tomato, pickle (not on mine!), and sliced red onion.

To put it simply, my burger was outstanding.  Great beef cooked to exactly the medium-rare I’d asked for.  Melted Beecher’s, outstanding bacon, and really nice fresh veggies.  There was a little too much lettuce for my taste, but a lot less than my last burger here.  I’ve really only got one complaint about this burger, and that’s the bun.

This is a really juicy burger, and the fact that I enjoy mine medium-rare only accentuates that.  The bun tastes nice and was toasted, but it simply cannot come close to holding up under this patty once you bite in.  The bottom half melted away and I had to finish the last few bites with a fork.  That said, I finished every bite as I wasn’t letting any of this go to waste!

The fries were excellent, and I really enjoy the John Howie Amber.  Not that the burger isn’t enough by itself, but you should also try the tempura bacon appetizer – it’s amazing.

+ Excellent beef, top-notch everything that goes on the bun with it, great preparation

- The bun lets the burger down

Rating:  

Blue Moon Burgers is a local Seattle burger restaurant with two locations.  They serve only all-natural beef and fresh-cut fries, so for a while now I’ve been trying to find the opportunity to give them a try.  Last Sunday was finally the day.

Like I always do when trying a new restaurant, I ordered a bacon cheeseburger.  At Blue Moon that means hickory smoked bacon, your choice of cheese – I chose cheddar – tomato, red onion, pickles – hold the pickles, please! – and Blue Moon sauce.  The patties are quarter-pound chuck, and I selected the potato bun.  Rather than asking for medium-rare, I let them cook it to their default medium.

When I unwrapped my burger, my first reaction was strongly positive.  I was immediately struck by the fact that this burger looked and smelled great.  Unfortunately my first bite greeted me with a big chunk of pickle, and I just can’t stand pickles.  I took the bun off, and sure enough there were three pickles waiting for me.  This always annoys me so I double-checked the receipt, and sure enough I’d ordered it without pickles.

There was also an issue with how my burger was cooked.  It definitely wasn’t done to medium – more medium-well.  Patties being overcooked is a common problem, and it’s especially disappointing at a restaurant that’s going out of their way to serve quality beef that could really shine when treated well.

On the other hand, one thing that Blue Moon definitely gets right is balance.  The ratio of burger-to-toppings-to-bun was just about perfect.  I often find that one ingredient overwhelms the others, but they nailed it.  As for the rest of the burger – everything was very good.  Nice bacon, quality veggies, the Blue Moon sauce was good, and the potato bun was just right.  You can see in the photo that the bun was toasted and the cheese was perfectly melted.  Had the cook been on his game when I’d been there this burger had the makings of greatness.

Briefly, non-burger things – I ordered both the fresh-cut fries and the side of the month – deep-fried mac & cheese.  The fries really benefited from being fresh-cut and were much better than average.  Personally, I prefer thicker cut fries because they’re less hassle to eat, but I’d always take these over anything from a freezer.  The mac & cheesewas a little dissapointing.  For me the pleasure of deep-fried mac & cheese is the hot gooeyness of them but mine were only warm, not hot.  I’m guessing that they were either too cold before going into the fryer or were cooked at a less than ideal temperature.

The vanilla shake I ordered was excellent.

+ A perfectly-balanced burger, quality beef, details like a toasted bun and melted cheese

- Stray pickles that weren’t supposed to be there, an overcooked patty

Rating:  

Rock ‘N’ Roll Burger (hereafter referred to as R&R) is a small restaurant tucked slightly out of the way in Issaquah. There’s an old-school burger joint/Elvis theme going on in both the decor and on the menu. It’s just far enough off the beaten path that I’ve never driven by, but tonight I was craving a burger and made it happen.

I ordered a #6 – a Hound Dog Burger – which is a burger with Tillamook cheddar, romaine, tomato, red onion, pickles (not on mine, please), R&R sauce, and bacon. R&R sauce is described as “mayo & 7 secret additives with smokey flavor”.

The meat is “Premium, Fresh, 1/3 lb, 100% Ground Chuck”. I’m not sure what meaning if any the word “premium” when it comes to meat, and I’m hoping “fresh” means never-frozen but since they don’t say it’s hard to be sure. They offer to cook your burger to order but I decided to let R&R do it their way.

When the tray was placed in front of me I had a very positive first impression – everything looked good. After a couple of bites I was enjoying the burger, but I wasn’t getting much beefy flavor. The veggies were quite good, the bacon was nice and crispy, but the other ingredients were overwhelming the beef. It felt like I was eating a 1/4 lb burger instead of a 1/3 lb. This was one of the few burgers that would’ve been better with a second patty to balance out the other ingredients. However, the overall result was satisfying.

A few other details of note – the bun was good but needed to be toasted. The cheese wasn’t melted enough. The burger was a little overdone which left it dry.

The fries were good, and the vanilla shake was definitely above-average. I’ll be going back.

+ A satisfying burger

- Beefy flavor should be front and center in a burger, untoasted bun, cheese wasn’t sufficiently melted

Rating:  

We returned to the Lunchbox Laboratory this weekend to take a second look at one of the few burgers to earn a 5 star rating from one of the crew at Legit Beef. Never having been, I decided to cast an objective eye on the experience.

Wise men render sage words to first-time visitors of the Lunchbox Laboratory . The consensus among the burger illuminati is to choose one ingredient from each column of the menu: one meat, one cheese, one topping, one sauce. Nothing wrong with this philosophy, but no matter what you do, you’ll still have a burger you can’t fit your mouth around. Be conservative and exercise restraint but adding one or two extra toppings or cheeses is not, inherently, a bad thing. Experimentation is encouraged, it’s a god damned laboratory.

For my burger, I went with 1/2 lb beef patty (obvi), cheddar, maple bacon, candied balsamic onions, and their secret burger sauce. This was freakin’ delectable. Let’s go from top, down. The bun is a Kaiser, toasted to perfection and doing an admirable job of holding together despite the abundance of juices from the beef and onions. The secret burger sauce is solid, pretty standard thousand-islands-esque burger sauce but there’s nothing wrong with that.

The bacon is, in a word, perfection. The slice is not too thick and the bacon is cooked lightly, allowing you to actually taste the maple flavor. They get away with the light cooking because the cut is so lean that it may as well be a slice of ham on your sandwich. The candied balsamic onions were great, trending the burger toward the sweet side but the saltiness of the cheddar cheese helps to keep the burger balanced. There wasn’t a whole lot of input from the cheddar but I doubt if the strongest of cheeses would have overcome the other flavors of the burger to shine through.

The beef is a quality patty but here I find my only fault with the experience. The seasoning they use in their beef is noticeably heavy on the pepper.  The taste of the beef should never be masked by its seasoning, particularly such a quality and juicy blend as they serve. There’s plenty of flavor here, it’s just a shame that the beef was seasoned by a kid who works at Fat Burger before they put it on the grill.

This burger was superb. All of the ingredients are top notch, as evidenced by the $20+ tally for each burger. Well worth it. There’s a great experience to be had here, you just need to find your own. You know what you like but you don’t know if it all works on a burger. That’s half the fun. So long as you keep it reasonable you’re going to have one of the best burgers of your life. I took a shot and it paid off to the tune of a 4.0/5.0. You can easily build a burger here ranging from 3.0 – 5.0 depending on how you top it. It’s not about building the perfect burger, but building a great, unique burger. This is the place to do that. You miss out if show up and order a plain cheeseburger.

Unbeef: I had sweet potato fries, unremarkable, but the tots are great. You get to choose from 9 different salts too, pretty rad. The shakes look awesome.

+ Excellent bun, perfect bacon, candied balsamic onions I could have eaten alone on a bun

- Peppered patty

Lunchbox Laboratory 1/2 lb bacon cheeseburger with balsamic onions.

Rating:  

Ah yes. The sweet smell of legitimacy. Let a multinational corporate chain restaurant (known as a garbage truck called Chili’s) go out of business, and replace it with a local bar and grill. The stage is set.

I ordered the Diablo 1/2 Pounder burger. Complete with a cayenne-seasoned burger, pepper-jack cheese, avocado, lettuce, tomato, red onion & chipotle mayo. I like my shit spicy, what can I say.

I’ll be honest. When the burger landed it looked bad. Something permissible only to those who relish sublime mediocrity.

Regardless, I destroyed the burger and I have to say it was decent. The beef did not seem freshly ground, more of the preformed pinch. Was it frozen? I dunno. But it was alright. The cheese was fully melted and even. The veggies were par for the course and they gave ample, nice looking avocado slices. The chipotle mayo was alright. Or maybe I am just yawn about chipotle mayos these days. The blackened cayenne seasoning was a very nice touch. Not something I would recommend to all but in this particular case it turned out well.

I’d like to give the bar & grill the benefit of the doubt, having just recently opened and still kinda finding their way through their stuff. Maybe down the road they’ll improve? If not, in current form they still pawn Chili’s. And thank god for that.

+ I give hooves up for ample, good looking avocado and a nice cayenne seasoning

- I give hooves down for very ok beef and an overly toasted bun

Rating: